personal, writing

backbone

I called up a friend I haven’t spoken to in years when I found out she had scoliosis. A fellow tattooer from Detroit, we were both in a documentary together. We met when she came to Cincinnati like eight years ago, since then I’ve traveled to Detroit a few times. She tattooed the scissors on my left arm, with the banner that says “SHARP!”

So much life lived since we last spoke. I’m really happy to reconnect with her, and hope to work together more this year. The love never went anywhere. Nothing happened between us, her family grew, I moved around. We didn’t purposely stop talking to each other, just didn’t have reason to stay in touch outside of social media.

I sent her a before and after pic of my spine curvature and was telling her about how I did it with the foam roller and binaural beats. She told me how she started working in the medical field, and has a great chiropractor that she really trusts. Her chiropractor was explaining how scoliosis affects other organs, the slightest movement or pinch can cause an avalanche of discomfort or pain. Organs can start to break down, since the spine is the neural passageway that links the mind to the rest of the body. The entire network of nerve cells is compromised by the misalignment, which affects how nerve impulses are transmitted. The spine being the operating panel for the body’s entire nervous system, scoliosis can cause anxiety and emotional imbalance. The nervous system processes and interprets sensory input, determining our ability to respond appropriately. The brain and spine are so connected, they are one. The brain is the flower or seed, the vertebrae is the stem.

When she started getting adjustments, she said she was crying all the time, and the slightest thing would set her off. It makes you feel so vulnerable, I said and she agreed. At first, I wasn’t sure what was happening, I was just trying to make it so my lower back disc wouldn’t feel like they were pinching. It was causing muscle spasms. I started the process of straightening my spine during winter of 2015 going into 2016. This explains my erratic behavior during that time.

I wasn’t sure if my emotional pain was caused by physical pain or vice versa but I was spazzing on everyone. It was so bad that I was walking around hunched over at a 90º angle, throwing my shoulders forward to stretch the length of my back, as well as dragging my back down stairs, pressing pressure points on the ledge. With the foam roller, I adjusted my spine continuously, and it changed overtime, fusing in its new position. From the shape of the foam roller, I was able to push any part of the protruding curve into a straight axis. When this process begins, the vertebrae is somewhat dislodged, and you have to continuously pop and stretch the vertebra discs so they do not return to its misshapen default position. Proper postures and yoga poses and binaural beats remedy this.

This also makes sense as why I was so reactive and easily triggered by things, bringing up the past as if it had just happened. My lower back stored memories from 15 years ago. My chest and sternum was holding memories from 10 years ago. My neck, which is straightening now, contains the programming from the past five years. These are the memory timelines that are activated by where I feel the cracks and pops on my spine. The chakra system has been an excellent tool in diagnosing and balancing myself.

I’ve been mainly working on the spine but my hips, shoulders, ribcage, and abdomen have all adjusted. All of these are much more symmetrical, especially in the abdomen. I may have gotten taller. Emotionally, I’m more stable and less extreme. I don’t say that my nerves are bad anymore. Change the inside to change the outside. What strikes the shell does not budge the pearl inside.

I must be gentle and patient with myself as I now recognize that I was undergoing a deep recovery process. I realized it when I first saw my updated x-ray (2017) but after talking with Alyssa, I learned that the psycho-spiritual aspect of healing involved toxic purging, re-integrated abandoned emotions, unexpected breakdown, feeling all the way vulnerable, stripped of defenses. Thank goodness it happened when it did and not a moment later, more organs would have suffered. I’m so grateful for this new insight that explains the chaos and confusion of mental breakdowns from a couple of years ago. I didn’t see what was happening on the inside at the time but I now get to live inside this new body that endured the hard work of necessary transformation.

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