a cold dreary day but was still in the gym by 7am, lifted some weights, swam. at the library now, made a stack of books to flip through for interior design inspiration for the space. wrote down fitness, business, creative and personal goals for now until january 1st 2019.
i want to build enough upper body strength to do a pull-up.
i want to get maintenance done, have my sign-in book and a new laptop / desktop.
i want to launch the site + webstore on December 1st.
i want to either complete an old project i’ve retired or start a new one, utilizing materials i already have.
i want to read more.
a few of my goals this year were to: become a better tattooer, meditate more, and stay out of court. i accomplished the first two. my weight dropped 15 pounds this year, but that wasn’t my goal. i learned the proper way to jog without my knees hurting, found constant solace in different gyms downtown, using hotel keys i’d pick up if i ever worked a shift there.
this time last year, i wasn’t as far along in how i wanted the space to look. now i have front counters, significantly decluttered. macy’s closed last march, that’s when i got some more fixures, a big table i have since gotten rid of. late april was when things started really looking up for me.
i’m too peaceful to be bitter. i’m not interested in pursuing a relationship at all, even though relationships are somewhat unavoidable because there will always be new people to meet. last november, i started spending time with someone who turned out to be petty to the point of emotional abuse. bringing out the worse in each other, i learned a lot about myself. we all have emotional problems, some worse than others, each with a responsibility to get an awareness and handle on their own shit. in some cases, things not working out, is them working out for the better. i don’t want anything to do with this person but perhaps i still have some forgiveness to work through, not just for them but for myself.
through that experience, i understand how someone can value and seem to respect what you have to offer but deep down feel threatened or envious, and slowly sabotage you through constant undermining. a lot of women lose their lives to men who say they love them but feed off the life supply. i don’t mean murder, but the slow drip of time wasting. as a woman, you can’t blame the man who can’t even help himself. he owes you nothing for whatever you let him get away with. forgive, not to forget, but to not regret.
on friday, the day venus went direct, i spent all day rearranging.
i usually thrive during a mercury retrograde, i was born under one.