flooring finished

the floor is done, the floor is done! i’m so happy! i’m obsessed and ecstatic over the look and feel of it. things were at a complete standstill for a weeks. it is the final stage of renovations after so many stages, from demolition to construction, plumbing, lighting, new sinks, a door. and still tattooing here and there in between. i started renovation in august, it’s taken a whole season.

walls came tumbling down. a narrow hallway disappeared. secret stairs were taken out. new walls were built. a dark corner illuminated. a trespass, a couple people fired.

the first 70-80% of a project is most difficult cuz the big incomplete mess doesn’t look like the result you’re embarking on. it got really hard, things got in the way that made me lose sight of what i was working toward. but now i’m more than ever motivated to make corner of the space picturesque. also i feel liberated because all of energy and effort going toward renovations can now go toward utilizing the space for what it is for. i am at the brink of big blessing. i buried my riches right back into the soil that brought forth the fruit that sustained me. my favorite part it feeling is under my feet with every step.

11/27/2020 passive income

i’ve achieved a lot that i worked hard towards and now i dont have to work as hard in attaining anything, so i’m working on that. right now i’m not at the shop. i’m not even in cincinnati, just an hour away in columbus in an airbnb.

2020 was financially my best year tattooing. it’s a year that challenged everything i thought i knew about life and myself. but also confirmed what i always suspected and delivered what i always desired. i don’t question my work ethic, my passion toward the craft, my care for my clients, or my ability to be and work alone. (a lot of things died when matter botattica was born, if not changed. mostly relationships.)

i wasn’t planning to blog but i think a record of my progress will help. it’s really hard for me to work on my websites, webstores, really do anything online. there’s so much stuff to organize and curate. my digital footprint has been in scattered shambled for the last few years. being stalked and harassed from someone long distance may have something to do with it. the constant noise and distraction on main street might have something do to with it. honestly i just don’t spend the same amount of time online as i used to, i’ve been mostly nesting and housekeeping and dealing with people in person for the last few years. it’s been best for me, to be present and hands on, directing my awareness within and not to the world. focusing on relationships with the people i see everyday and can touch, not keeping up with online illusions or becoming one. but now i’m ready to converge and re-emerge in harmony.

passive income, not passive aggression. there’s so many ways to do it. publish a book / e-book. onlyfans. selling prints and merch online. etsy, redbubble, society6. i want to do it all, i’m just in the difficult process of structuring a solid system to keep it all going. it’s still work. passive income isn’t free money, you still have to set it up and also keep it going. in a way i’m changing my career again. i’ve done it before and don’t know why it’s harder this time. i think, before, i wasn’t afraid to fail and now i know what comes with the success. but i dont have to think of any of that if i’m having fun. remind myself all this art is fun. and the function of passive income is to increase my freedom and fun.

apo

maybe a lot of your previous ideas suck, are expired and were rightfully abandoned. fulfilled its course by not fulfilling its course. not worth completing. you were playing it too safe, belonged to others anyway. it all belongs / goes back into the world eventually, out of your hands but not always through your hands.

the stuff worth devoting energy to are the things that:

expand imagination
increase hope + courage
make you forget the time in a good way instead of feeling it pass
improves goal-based performance
keeps vulnerable emotions accessible
operates from generosity
identities self, blockages, motivations
gives direction where/want you want to be good

curiosity instead of confusion, restoration instead of procrastination, purposeful scheduling instead of running in the rat race